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2013年9月6日 星期五

貸款-蓋房-賄賂-炒樓-通膨-印鈔-洗錢/貴族幼稚園的入學面試/我不是來看你們裸體的

貸款-蓋房-賄賂-炒樓-通膨-印鈔-洗錢

 

這裡全提到了!!房產現狀一針見血:

 

在一間KTV的包房內,坐著一個體態臃腫滿面通紅的中年男人和一個有點愣愣的年輕小夥子二愣。他們是一對叔侄。首先年輕人開始說話了:

 

二愣:叔,最近咱們建的房子好像沒什麼人買呀!你得想個法子呀。

  

中年男人瞟了自己的愣侄子一眼,拿起桌子上的一瓶價值上W的紅酒給自己滿上一大杯一口渴了個底朝天,把大腦袋晃了晃,就開始了對二愣的說教:愣子,這事你別管,你只要給我把房子建起來就行。

  

愣子還是不懂,接著問道:叔,我建成了那麼多房子,好像沒有怎麼賣呀。

  

你小子懂什麼,我開發房子不是用來賣的,也沒幾個傻貨買得起的。賣,那只是個面子工程。

 

這時二愣的嘴一下子成了O字形,一時雲裡霧裡了,說:你不賣那錢從哪來呀?

  

叔說:找銀行貸款呀!

  

侄說:那不還得還嗎?

  

叔說:比如我從銀行貸款5E,最多花2E去投資開發房子,3E就成了自己的了,房子還用賣嗎?房子建成後,就開始猛炒,把房子炒成價值10E,有人買沒人買不管它,然後就是往外送房。

 

二愣這下不光嘴是圓的,連眼都成圓的了。叔好像有點醉了,點了支雪茄,悠閒的吸了一口,又說道:房子賣不出去就送給那些人們的公僕住嘛!

  

愣子感覺到叔叔真的是太偉大的,眼中滿是敬畏。

  

叔說:我把最好的房子送幾套給那些公僕,還有和叔一樣的人也會把很多房子送給那些公僕。到那時那些公僕手上也有不少房子時,他們也不想讓房價掉下來,就會為我們服務了。

 

二愣說:那錢不用還銀行嗎?

  

叔敲了敲二愣的腦袋,把頭搖了搖,滿是自信的說:還什麼錢呀!我用現在的房子做抵押,市值10E呢,然後再去貸款開發另一幢,到時你就跟著叔發財就好了。

  

二愣說:要是最後銀行沒錢了怎麼辦?

  

叔說:不急,那時國家會印錢的。

  

二愣:要是國家不印呢?

  

叔滿臉不悅,有點生氣的說:不印錢貸款不了,咱宣佈倒閉,把房子全算給國家,反正叔的錢全轉到國外去了。

  

愣子這下好像明白了很多很多原來房子不是蓋來住的。

 

 

貴族幼稚園的入學面試

 

小露絲去考貴族幼稚園,面試時老師取出一張10元的美鈔問:「這是什麼?」

 

小露絲很快回答:「這是阿嬤給乞丐的廢紙。」

 

老師說:「好了,不用考了,你已被錄取了。

 

 

我不是來看你們裸體的

 

有一個富人,他的大森林裡有一座湖,有一天他拿著一個大桶子,想說去森林那邊摘一些水果的時候竟然發現有一群年輕女孩在他的湖裡裸泳;

 

那些女孩發現他之後都往深一點的地方遊去,並對他大喊:「我們不可能就這樣起來讓你看光我們的裸體的」

 

富人靈機一動說:「我不是來看妳們裸體的。」

 

富人指一指他手上拿的桶子說:「 我是來餵鱷魚的。」

 

 

朋友和刺客的區別!

 

朋友和刺客唯一的區別是:

 

刺客在背後捅你一刀,你回頭痛苦地說:「啊,你是?」

 

朋友在背後捅你一刀,你回頭驚訝的說:「啊,是你!」

 

 

2013年9月3日 星期二

西方和亞洲的生活態度!(藍色 - >西方人 紅 - >亞洲人)

How much do you know about Eastern and Western cultures?  Read on...Asian and Western

This is mostly so true and funny~Western & Asian approach towards life!
 
Blue --> Westerners             Red --> Asians 

(1) Opinion

 
Westerners: Talk to the point
Asians: Talk around the circle, especially if opinions are different
 

(2) Way of Life

 
Westerners: individualism, think of himself or herself. 
Asians: enjoy gathering with family and friends, solving their problems, and know each other's business. 

(3) Punctuality 

 
Westerners: on time. 
Asians: in time.

(4) Contacts 


Westerners: Contact to related person only.
Asians: Contact everyone everywhere, business very successful.
 

(5) Anger


Westerners: Show that I am angry. 
Asians: I am angry, but still smiling... (Beware!)


(6) Queue when Waiting


Westerners: Queuing in an orderly manner.
Asians: Queuing?! What's that?


(7) Sundays on the Road


Westerners: Enjoy weekend relaxing peacefully.
Asians: Enjoy weekend in crowded places, like going to the mall.


(8) Party


Westerners: Only gather with their own group. 
Asians: All focus on the one activity that is hosted by the CEO.


(9) In the restaurant


Westerners: Talk softly and gently in the restaurant.
Asians: Talk and laugh loudly like they own the restaurant.


(10) Travelling


Westerners: Love sightseeing and enjoy the scenery. 
Asians: Taking picture is the most important; scenery is just for the background. 


(11) Handling of Problems


Westerners: Take any steps to solve the problems. 
Asians: Try to avoid conflicts, and if can, don't leave any trail. 


(12) Three meals a day


Westerners: Good meal for once a day is sufficed. 
Asians: At least 3 good meals a day.


(13) Transportation 


Westerners: Before drove cars, now cycling for environmental protection. 
Asians: Before no money and rode a bike, now got money and drive a car 


(14) Elderly in day-to-day life 


Westerners: When old, there is snoopy for companionship. 
Asians: When old, guarantee will not be lonely, as long as willing to babysit grandkids. 


(15) Moods and Weather 


Westerners: The logic is: rain is pain. 
Asians: More rain, more prosperity 


(16) The Boss


Westerners: The boss is part of the team. 
Asians: The boss is a fierce god.
 

(17) What's Trendy


Westerners: Eat healthy Asian cuisine.
Asians: Eat expensive Western cuisine.
 

(18) The Child 


Westerners: The kid is going to be independent and make his/her own living.
Asians: Slog whole life for the kids, the centre of your life.
 

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